Has the flame gone out?

Emotions were high, you couldn’t get enough of each other, sex was it’s best. Now you’ve been together 10 years, had a couple of kids, mortgage etc and the pazzaz is gone out of your relationship.

You are so close you can predict what he will choose for dinner when you go out, you know which movie she will choose.

So what is the problem? You are close, but this closeness seems to be creating a distance which is painful. Maybe you’ve considered having an affair to find that pazzaz again, if even for a little while.

Love and being in a relationship can create a paradox in that the thing we seek the most, closeness and oneness with our beloved is the thing that kills the passion, excitement and wonder in our relationship.

You may have tried to get even closer by having “date night”, or buying flowers, or sexy underwear. “So why is it not working?” “Is our relationship doomed?” The harder we try the further apart we get.

The answer may rest in the gap which is swallowed up by being too close. Couples therapy with someone who understands the dynamics of such a merging can help to re-establish that mystery and excitement.

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