Ending Therapy – Celebration of a Healthy Relationship – Exeter Therapy

Healthy Relationship

Ending Therapy – Celebration of a Healthy Relationship

The experience of a healthy relationship is vitally important for our well-being. The counselling relationship can play a huge part in the well-being of clients. Clients usually engage in therapy because something is not quite right in their life, and they are seeking guidance and support from someone independent and impartial. Counsellors are trained in walking this journey with clients, however, they cannot walk the journey alone or for the client.

So exactly what is happening while in a healthy relationship, and what makes a good ending to therapy so valuable? Counsellors are trained to listen, be present, understand without judgement, and offer clients acceptance for who they are. Possibly for the first time in a client’s life, they can experience a healthy relationship in which they can be themselves without fear, judgement, or shame. They can feel safe enough to risk being authentic.

Once the therapeutic relationship is present, a client may face difficult situations with more confidence, because they are no longer alone in their struggle. They are now being attended to. Therapia in Latin means to “attend to”. To be attended to while on a journey of self-discovery and change can be highly comforting and reassuring. When we are young, we might have looked back at a parent for reassurance before taking our first steps, riding our bike without stabilisers, going off to school for the first time, or walking down the aisle. Therapy can provide that element of reassurance, without authority, pressure, or judgement.

Often, client’s unhappiness with the world around them is really unhappiness about themselves in the world. Unrealised dreams and missed opportunities can often lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and even resentment towards others for how we have become. Therapy is an excellent way of getting back on track.

A healthy counsellor/client relationship can bring about what is needed for healing to take place. Clients may experience being well, in the presence of another, i.e. the therapist.

When a client experiences the restorative healing benefits of a healthy relationship, they begin to realise they are ok in the world. This now means they no longer need the guidance or support of the therapist, and the relationship comes to a natural end.

We know how to end unhealthy or unwanted relationships. We generally lack experience in ending good and healthy relationships.  Ending therapy can be avoided by some. Sometimes people move, jobs end, or a loved one passes away, thus giving an unwanted or unwelcomed end to a good relationship. This can be experienced as loss or grief, which can be painful, so it is no wonder that we don’t linger too long in this experience.

Clients often become keenly aware of how important the relationship between therapist and client has been to them.  This acknowledgement, or at least awareness, can be profound. By ending the therapeutic relationship, the client is now saying ‘I am now accepting responsibility for my presence in the world and my well-being’.

Avoid sending a text when you are ready to end therapy, when possible.  Plan your ending, take charge of how it looks, have a cup of tea and a cake. It is worth the effort, and so are you.

To experience the closure of a good ending to a healthy relationship brings healing. Get in touch to begin that journey.

Also published at Counselling Directory

Is your teen self-harming?

Is your teen self-harming?

Being a teen is hard; there is no manual for getting through teenage issues. So, when they struggle, is it any wonder they turn to unhelpful coping mechanisms or even self-destructive behaviour?

Self-harming behaviour can be distressing for the teen and those around them because they may not understand why they cut themselves, and it may also leave parents with a sense of failure, blame or shame. This in itself can make communication harder.

It may be assumed that if a teen is cutting themselves they must be suicidal. This is normally not the case.

NSPCC have this to say about self-harm:

“Self-harm can take lots of physical forms, including cutting, burning, bruising, scratching, hair-pulling, poisoning and overdosing. There are many reasons why children and young people try to hurt themselves, and once they start, it can become a compulsion. That’s why it’s so important to spot it as soon as possible and do everything you can to help. Self-harm isn’t usually a suicide attempt or a cry for attention. Instead, it’s often a way for young people to release overwhelming emotions. It’s a way of coping. So, whatever the reason, it should be taken seriously.”

I often hear young people say that friends and family think they are seeking attention. It is important to know that this isn’t usually the case.

Being a teen today brings many challenges. Some of these challenges won’t go away as they come with the territory. Some of the issues counsellors can spot within their work with teens who self-harm are:

  • Loneliness.
  • Fear they will lose their closest friendships.
  • Lack of confidence.
  • Inability to express anger.
  • Lack of control over their lives.

These reasons can be very similar for adults; however teens are still learning to navigate their emotional landscape.

Q-Does this mean I have failed as a parent?

A-No, what it does mean is that your child is struggling with something which may or may not have anything to do with you. They are growing up, and experiencing real life issues that they just don’t know how to manage more effectively.

Q-What can I do to help my teen who is self-harming?

A-Listen without judgement or wanting to change them. Address any wounds, and don’t forget first-aid is important. Don’t tell them to stop – if they could, they would.

Seek professional help, with the safeguarding lead at your teen’s school or a private counsellor. If you are distressed by your teen’s behaviour then get help to manage your own emotions so that you can help your teen. I will repeat the first point of listening without judgement. Don’t use phrases like, “I don’t understand why you cut yourself” or “Is this my fault?”

If you are concerned that your teen may be cutting themselves or know someone who is impacted by self-harming, please get in touch with a counsellor. We are all here to help.

Additional support site: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm